Reproductive Hypochondria

That's it. I've finally lost it. Someone call those nice young men in their clean, white coats to come and take me away. I'll laugh maniacally as they cart me off for shock therapy and Thorazine. I have become that annoying girl who can't shut up about all of her health issues, both real and imagined (yet we all lean toward the belief that it's the latter). Yep, that's me. I'm a self-diagnosed reproductive hypochondriac. I'm imagining pregnancy symptoms. I am now feeling cramps. I felt them yesterday too but thought I just needed to use the bathroom. They feel very real and they're mildly uncomfortable, kind of like I feel on the day that my dearest Aunt Flo comes to town, only Auntie isn't due to arrive again until January 17th. Yes, I know, TMI. That's what I'm saying! I'm that girl! Oh, dear Lloyd, help me!

So now my list of symptoms consists of fatigue, bloated-feeling and cramps. Gosh, I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring. Probably some other symptom that's just as taboo as a topic for public discussion. Maybe I would find solace and comaraderie at the local assisted living facility where Ethel and I can share stories about our hemorrhoids and compare brands of disposable incontinence panties. Boy, this is exciting, isn't it?

On the bright side I received a phone call today from New Life Health Centers saying that the prenatal vitamins I special-ordered have arrived. I was pleasantly surprised because it was only yesterday that I ordered them. Why, you might ask, did I not just grab a bottle of prenatal vitamins that they already had at the store? I'll tell you why. Because there's a trend going around right now stemming from the immature perspective that if a little folic acid is good for a developing fetus then a lot of folic acid must be great. Thus the majority of prenatal vitamins contain at least double the recommended daily allowance of folic acid established by the FDA. I'm quite content with 400 micrograms of folic acid in my multi-vitamin considering I typically enjoy a very healthy diet.

Another preference I favor in this particular brand of vitamin is that it's not a one-a-day tablet. As we all know, most vitamins are water soluable. That means as soon as you take your first bathroom break, you've flushed away most of the vitamin content in your body. This is why we must eat several times a day; to replenish lost vitamins. But when your diet is deficient in these life-sustaining vitamins, it's necessary to replenish them with a suitable supplement. So there you have it. I have used the same brand of prenatal vitamins throughout all of my pregnancies and I just love them.